This was spoken to a self-proclaimed clairvoyant.
Love cannot be just once; it only means that you are too tired to love. I have thought about that and then I learnt and rediscovered myself. I felt, I didn't have an identity. However, today as I stand with all my insecurities and uncertainties, I still am half way to know who I am. I have gone through deceit and denial on several occasions. I have gone through humiliation, separation, pain and agony…and now I come clean. I am detached and I find peace in it. I respect everyone's feelings.
I have learnt to let go; letting go is the biggest of all attainable pleasures for me that I derive. Be it letting go of a bus, a train, a good movie, a lover, a potential life partner, a nice job. I don’t think on that, hence I’m happy :) I am almost an urban ascetic; I yearn to live a life of the mountains. Sometimes there are disturbances, when people say that ‘you love yourself and nobody else’. Well if you can’t love yourself, I would say you can’t love anybody else. I used to hate myself to the extent of putting my self to pain and oblivion. Even near experiences of putting myself unto death’s embrace. Then I realised humility. Those ego barriers are futile and unnecessary. I used to hate myself but not anymore. Years have changed me; that’s all I need to know. I can’t live for the future; I try to live in the present as much as possible. Hence I am never interested to know what’s in store for me in the future like how my folks and other people want. So, I never asked and will never do. If I get to know what is in store for me, then I might break down and lose it.
Life was never a 9-5 job, a wife and a kid and aging parents for me. It can’t be.
All these things have been done for millions of years and still being done.
I don’t fall in all this, I say this not because I’ m superior or pretend to be strikingly different or something like that. But because there is a deeper reason why I was sent here. And I seek that very purpose.