Offshore

I am back with you, my love. At one with your gentle froth and foam. You come playfully touch and go; and how you tickle me? There are pebbles at your shore. I am collecting the flat ones, because they resemble some cell phone. I'll throw some back at you. I see you rise and fall, while I stare, your warmth is in your spray, saline and loving. The sea gulls did tell you this cold morning that I would be coming to see you! You do look ecstatic. I see that your mighty arms have formed rivulets with the tide and they are streaming towards inland searching for a home maybe in some backwaters. I dare not go back lest you feel everyone betrays you. I won't. You are my dope, my stash, my ecstasy and the world enquires "what are you on these days?" Little ignorant ones. Now I see you playing your tricks again, who is she? In pristine flowing white with the wind, is she an angel, a mermaid, or just merry. Ah! you play your tricks upon me again. Your sand kisses me as I roll down the slope towards you. I promise I will take the free fall off the cliff soon someday to be in your arms forever. I know you have a wonderful bed waiting for me, as I lay my tired self to rest on your bosom. You fill my heart with joy. I don't need gills. I don't need to breathe.

You seem to be in your mood swings today, guess the moon is doing things to you. Worry not as I ride your waves alongside the dolphins. So many times I have walked towards you only to be ruthlessly thrown back. This planet knows not our worth. You are rising, the Senate knows that. I trust no one, but you. I know you will take me by the arm and entwine in a divine embrace. I marvel at your ability to be self enthused. You do not require renaissance. You shimmer like a thousand gems at me so that I don't get bored. I won't, neither would you. I can sit and gaze here as the planet goes through its customary revolutions and rotations. We all move in circles around one glowering fascination that catches our eye. I love the revolutions. They bring seasons. Cold still winters and bustling summers. But what I like the most is when you have a gloomy blue gray above with a hint of lightening at the horizon to glorify your beauty. Those are the times when I feel the vastness of your macrocosm. But here I am quoting someone else...I am just collecting pebbles by your shore. I will throw some back to you.

Thus spake Demonos II...-|-...In Remembrance...-|-

I was not put here by anyone in fear, I came alone as me.
Just an idea in a long chain of discovery surrounded by the same you. Sometimes your tide pulls me out to sea and I die in a thrashing curse. So far up the beach that those who try to reach are burnt alive in the searing heat of the desert of my dispassion. So far removed, I never hear the water, but I long to. And I refuse to believe in some of the things that are said to be here. Let alone those that are not, I'm trying to change my direction and yes...Ours is pathetic in my own humble estimation.

I love the planet. The great benign she-wolf. Benefactor. Spinning gently on towards the red giant, and four aeons hence when all the rose gardens are consumed in the flash-fire of flying time.
She'll leave you alone, to you.

I thought I felt you jump out of my skin, throwing oil into my blazing memories. But when the winds blow from this direction you may sense that I'm in your reflection. You move your body and your whispers weave as the world spins. It tells me that I'll never want to leave. Gradually I think I feel you but I will never know, as the days leave and the centuries grow.

As I think of you from this dark century I will always be with 'benign' curiosity and doubt that we both may share and hope in vain that we're not just disappearing spirits. One-up-manship when it comes to intellectual competency? How futile! So the little time, that your crystal eyes gazed into mine, was what intellectual competencies cannot fathom. I behold a burning flame, forever dreaming....dreaming a lie!

I am trapped inside internal eyes and caressed by innocence is a sanctuary which I built for your mind, beneath a pale sardonic sky. One love, one sorrow and an undying affection for life. Finally I walk away from the flames. I've found a way to erase the pain - A guardian angel called escape.

I don't dwell on the forthcoming. However you will know, when I'm gone, you'll hear my cries in the wind.

Saltwater and a handful of Sand

Goa has always come to me in doses. Probably so, for there is so much to fathom. And this trip was indeed long due and well earned. There were several reasons for it. The major ones being, it coincided with Vivek and Kristi’s visit to India after four years and meeting Rogger before he leaves for Sri Lanka. I too have been stretching my neurons and tendons for quite a while. Also the place has been pulling me for a while now.

Maybe it provides a fascinating setting for my “The Beach” adventure, maybe it is the allure of white sands and hours of lazing in the sun, maybe it’s the whole idea of being in a place where you can be what YOU are! Or maybe it’s just an abrupt ricochet of memories of a past life.

Whatever might be the reason, Anjuna never seemed to be unhindered or unfamiliar to me, once we reached at the tiny sleepy village. With Kristi around, people thought us to be from some other land, and they were very helpful. I wonder what the response would had been, had they known that they were talking to two long-maned Bengali lads, one Goan and a pretty Estonian lady with a doe-eyed tot, Sarah, restless to the hilt, exchanging laps at will! However Oliver had gotten ourselves a good enough bungalow on rent from his god-mother, though I wondered later about the godly bill that evolved out of our stay.

Sleepy Anjuna and Flour Mills

The breakfasts, lunches and dinners that had to follow were only too cheap, too delicious, too spicy and served by an overtly prompt and helpful guy who was over-driven by the favourite local flavour – fenni. Hence sometimes we had a few meddles in getting the menu right. But such meddles only add to the fun and at every serving we turned ravenous, at the mere sight of food dished out at us - Sorpatel – heavily spiced gravy of minced pork had with local bread (pav), Kalamari Rice – tangy flavoured neatly cut local squid mixed with fried rice or just had with potato fries, fresh prawns curry, prawn noodles, beef toast, roast beef, scrambled eggs and bacon with bread and all these coupled with tea, coffee, or beer depending on time and mood. Later I really regretted to spend on a few jazzy bars, pseudo-hippie haunts and also a famous MNC food chain which almost cost us the rent for four bikes on hire for a day.

Unleashing man and machine

Talking about bikes, driving around in Goa is the greatest experience of freedom as long as you are lucky not to be hit by a fenni-frenzied local or a nitro-fueled expat on his Enfield. Yes the classic Indian road mustang – Enfield Bullet. No other place in India has so many of these native choppers wheezing past you with that masculine roar of the engine. There were all kinds of Enfield Bullets that I found in Anjuna – modified and coloured to various tastes. Psychedelic colours played on the massive tanks and solid well built bodies and the curved handles gleamed in the sun promising a great ride. I saw so many skinny chicks riding Bullets and they were so much in control of that monstrous engine chugging underneath those frail things. WHOA! It goes without saying that we too got ourselves a Bullet 500 and a Bajaj Avenger. Both Vivek and Kristi love the machine and Oliver found the Avenger comfortable to cruise on. Bikes truly enliven your flights of freedom whereas cars are only too comfortable for the beer-heavy bellies. Ample buses and rickshaws zip by and you can even hitch-hike a jolly ride to your way.

Exhilerator Vagator

Since a few years, I have been interestingly drawn towards the yogic way of life. Considering the picturesque setting, me and Oliver jumped out of bed at the crack of dawn and set foot towards the sea at Vagator on the first day. It was an ethereal experience. Facing the chill of the sea wind, staring at the waves, feeling the mildewed sand underneath and the various asanas provided me with the perfect harmonization of man and nature. Behind me was the Chapora fort, an open air romantic set to so many Bollywood flicks, and in front was the ageless vastness of the ocean. This was solitude. Reminded me of love. We took a walk down to the turn of the cove and felt the chilly water play with our feet. Little attention was paid to the film crew assembling at the far end of Vagator cove, by locals or by Oliver or by me - a yogic nomad, an urban hippie, call me whatever. As Yoga refreshed me in thought, the swim invigorated my limbs, and the sun greeted us in readiness for a great trip ahead.

Goa's very own Cafe Del Mar

One thing why I prefer shacks more than super malls is the snugness and the one-on-one bargains that they offer. Here you don’t walk into a gigantic structure made of titanium steel alloys with more glass, steel, lights, blitz and all chiseled into magnificent perfection. How I loved being away from all those! It was fun to look at the shocked faces of the shack owners when we started bargaining in Hindi and how well. In the shopping onslaught, we were able to get some very good bargains for all of us and especially for Kristi who would’ve had a ripped purse at the end of her shopping spree, if we weren’t around. Just imagine getting a tie-died spaghetti top for 50 Indian rupees over a quote of 500. I picked up a lot of spiritual and psytrance as well as some meditative music by Prem Joshua.

Soaking up the Sun and Psychedelia

When going beach hopping, we avoided the commercial and crowded ones and stuck to Anjuna and Vagator. The afternoon swim was at Vagator and the whole ambience around the semicircular silvery cove was reminiscent of ‘The Beach’ footage.

That night we biked our way to Paradiso Anjuna, with the almost full moon over our heads, we strode the stairway down to the beach along side the much hounded pub. The beauty of the night unleashed itself upon me. The tide was high and waves were crashing on to the gentle mounds of solitary rocks jutting out of the sand. The sea shimmered like thousand gems spread beneath the canopy of a big wide blue. I could hear the slow thud of spiritual trance playing at Paradiso, at the back and the moon playing the master of this cosmic symphony. It was the music of what silence played on me. You forget where you belong to and where you have to go, at such a state. Mind you – I hadn’t done any substances! Far at the corner of the hills behind me, I could see shimmers of brilliant tiny lights luminescent from the shacks. My heart skipped a beat and reminded me of love and only love. The Tooth Fairy wasn’t in sight anywhere around.

However next day, after the morning swim, we touched Ozrant. The whole world came to a halt, apart from Sarah – of course. Man what an amazingly undiscovered place. We had a sumptuous breakfast at Goa’s very own Café Del Mar at Ozrant. The whole place spoke of palms, thatched huts, cosy places at every shade, psychedelic chairs and the awe-inspiring work of nature sprawled below. We knew at once that this is what we had come looking for. Later the trip to Baga was sunny and it was crowded with sun-hungry Caucasians, though the beach was a huge stretch of clean white sand. Candolim was exciting with an abandoned ship and a swim in the huge waves under the hull. The waves here were playful with strong under-currents. Sarah amused herself with her father and Oliver, while Kristi just would not leave the water saying “I can stay here all day!”

Crowded Shore, Barren Ship

One amusing thing about Candolim was that everyone around me was over-weight pensioners from Europe and the US, which made me feel a bit jittery because it reminded us of the time to come. “I will die young,” I said, “you’ll see, I’ll die young!” Little Sarah smiled at that. Nevertheless, the waves were beautiful and the sun was golden.

Subliminal Flows

The sunset at Ozrant, was as dramatic as one of my earlier posts “Lucid Hedonism”.

It re-established my belief of astral travel. The sights, the sounds and the feels were subliminal to my neurons. I could really feel the repairs taking place in my long-stressed brains gradually. The sea here was suddenly deep and calm waves washing at the aureate shores. A few shacks were lined way into the palms and they served ales and food to tattoos and tie-die mushroom merchandise. The shack we chose was the one playing some locally brewed psychedelic trance. The sun was on its way to kiss the sea, so Kristi, Oliver and me tried to get some good shots out of it with some beers. Children and grown ups alike, skittered around the beach carefree as they had made it their second home. A grown up version of Sarah played around in the sand with her brother while their folks swayed to the rhythm of the spiritual music. I had a few friendly exchanges with the shack owner a long-haired tattooed and pierced Nepalese who was also the one responsible for belting out the music.

A very – allow me to use this subjective term – ‘cute’ family passed us by. They were as cute as Vivek’s family. The man was tall and lean; he had weather-beaten skin with black dreadlocks stacked above and one gleeful tot running around his towering stature. He waved at what seemed to be a local fisherwoman and bowed courteously to her and had a brief bonhomie. This Rastafarian gentleman was hand-in-hand with his fair lady who in turned smiled at the little cherub-like baby in her arms. This joyful mob walked their way across us into the sunset, which had already matured into vibrant intermingling hues. Ozrant will stay with me forever. After all it was my abstract Lucid Hedonism, realized.

Disturbances in the great Slumber

That night back in our bungalow, I slept on the terrace. I swept glances with the sky through luscious palms, gazing at the stellar diamonds shining their light on me. The moon shone in glory, as I passed from one transient stage to another. I never realized the spur of the hour when I finally transcended from my reverie to neverland. The night was pleasant and I dreamt. The Tooth Fairy appeared besides me and took me in her astral embrace. It washed away all my sands of trouble and induced nectar like intoxication into the sweet-smelling springtime night. Everything was heavenly...as if in pristine paradise, but there was a strong pain in my heart, of some unknown sadness, still the moments were golden. Her large curious eyes looked at me with the most tender reverberation, that would melt the most inert of all hearts. And together we took off and flew to galaxies nested with civilizations who had never heard of eternal pain or longing. My heart drowned in perpetual bliss. Early morning the first rays of the sunrise, the chirping of birds and Oliver’s sun-toasted face woke me up! The Tooth Fairy was gone. It’s a pity Tooth Fairies do not last till the day. Waking up I couldn't feel anything, but the urge to recollect the real moments from the unreal...It was bittersweet.

Walking the Green Mile Home

Meeting Rogger was fun, he was in is elements and his chirpy best. My shooting him constantly made him feel like the ‘Star of Goa’ as his conscious self proclaimed. He showed us many interesting things like how to get the car to blink without touching it! It took me an emotional moment to realize that Vivek, Kristi and Rogger, would go off their ways soon, and the next point of such an assemblage would be of questionable certainty. Watching Kristi give a bucket bath to Sarah or Disney Chick as I lovingly call her is such a spectacle.With chants of “üks..kaks..kolm…suketu!” or one..two..three…dive!, the emphatic Sarah who just crossed the 10 month mark, would dive into her bucket and look around at all of us with an Archimedean expression of accomplishment. Will see her grown up next time. Hope Rogger grows up too, or maybe not, because he is best at what he is now…like Goa forever!

THE TANNED!

THE BUCKETEERS!



THE STRUNG!

THE TOASTED!























SNUGGY!
All fools, me cool!...
no the coolest, yes!

Lucid Hedonism I & II

Lucid Hedonism

What is it about the Mediterranean sunset? The wine, the air, the people, the music, the sea...oh yes the sea. Mykonos, Ibiza, French Riviera, Bali. Take Goa, coz I am still poor. It’s the calm of the chaos. The freedom. The earthy sense of belonging. Close to a world we all ignore in the buzz of a mechanized jungle.

Here we come in praise of the sun. Psychedelic colours fill your eyes up as you look in its direction. Or do we see glistening mermaids in the shimmering sea as I lie in my hammock. This mix of pina colada is heaven. This Cafe Del Mar mix of Chicane - Offshore is pristine. The beach is lonely apart from a few pleasure seekers like me. There is a little hilltop at a distance. I can hear faint ambient music coming in my direction, calling me. I look at my side. I see the Tooth Fairy in her dark glasses looking at the sky. Her pale skin has turned a shade darker with the tan. She looks back at me. And we both know. Hand in hand we start our slow walk towards the hillock by the sea. The sun is on its way to never land. Alfredo, our tattoo guy, screams out something to us from his shack. He was flinging something in the air, which looked like currency notes. Poor fellow, will realise when he wakes up next morning...I mean if he ever sleeps.

I pull the Tooth Fairy up the rocks as she joyfully chuckles something funny that I cannot recall. I ask her to stop thinking of Bombay. We reach the top. The wind almost blows my Tooth Fairy off her feet into the fall from the cliff several feet down. I hold her with both hands in a firm grip. The music is louder now. Its psytrance. The crowd is more or less....ok lets not get into ethnicity. The crowd is good. They are gesticulating in a strange way that is no more strange to me, as if throwing their bodies around. I see a long-haired blond girl sitting at the far end of the cliff in deep meditation, facing the setting sun. They are brothers and sisters of the earth. One world, one life. Fellow Earthlings! This is the time to be. We are alive.

Someone tugs me by my hand. I turn around to see someone I recognize but can't quiet remember. She takes me winding through the crowd to a small shack nearby. More crowds. Humdrum. Kids running here and there. A few people had gathered there looking at something in unison. Before I wondered what, I could see the magic that they were going through. A sole paraglider hovering in the sky with the huge crimson sun touching the waters as a perfect backdrop. The sky is a flurry mix of a thousand shades. Crimson, Purple, Blue. The sand never felt so good under my feet. And in this moment I am happy. I felt Love. I take Toothy by her arms and planted a placid kiss on her frail lips.

This is pure Hedonism. This is my lucid dream.


Moksha: Lucid Hedonism II



Here....this is eternity. Freeze frame. The moment stops. This is the world. This is nothingness.

So many times I have runed on apocalyptic thoughts and prayed for a mass phenomenon. Six years back the world was close to a real happening, Y2k. But it turned out to be a marketing hype. That was sad. Nostradamus and the Church, you both were miserably wrong! Then came Aum Shinrikyo - The Supreme Truth, the Japanese Cult. OK. Forget that. Think about Sensations - the mammoth raves organised in Germany. Think G8 Live. These are mass occurrences. But nothing ever happens. No adrenaline. Finally I'm getting out of here. Arms are stretched wide, on the edge and the angel glides down to take me. It becomes tiring to ask oneself all the time "whats next?". Its finally over. The end of stagnation, the final rot. The everlasting celebration begins.

World! Be happy , in your neverending tryst clamouring for space, to accomodate your body and your mind.

Samsara! Be happy in the chaos. Hope you find the euilibrium that you desperately need. Beauty you could never be appreciated. Nature thou shall always be defiled. Samsara! Be happy in your own world.

Then....there is light. Luminous, effervescent, unearthly, divine light. Which gives enormous strength. Which brings about extreme positivity. It feels like I have always been working out in the gym. It feels like I have always been practising the divine Yogasanas all my life. Its like mint jacuzzi after a Turkish massage laced with enchanting oil and magickal mud. Maybe this is the perpetual feeling which everyone vies for? Or maybe they forget what are they seeking for.

Thoughts should have a getaway which is most significant. Thoughts should lead to action. Action removes stagnation. Its this static ecstatic state of mind which should be omnipresent and shall never fade.

We should all be willfully seeking this pleasure.

Thus Spake Demonos

This was spoken to a self-proclaimed clairvoyant.

Love cannot be just once; it only means that you are too tired to love. I have thought about that and then I learnt and rediscovered myself. I felt, I didn't have an identity. However, today as I stand with all my insecurities and uncertainties, I still am half way to know who I am. I have gone through deceit and denial on several occasions. I have gone through humiliation, separation, pain and agony…and now I come clean. I am detached and I find peace in it. I respect everyone's feelings.

I have learnt to let go; letting go is the biggest of all attainable pleasures for me that I derive. Be it letting go of a bus, a train, a good movie, a lover, a potential life partner, a nice job. I don’t think on that, hence I’m happy :) I am almost an urban ascetic; I yearn to live a life of the mountains. Sometimes there are disturbances, when people say that ‘you love yourself and nobody else’. Well if you can’t love yourself, I would say you can’t love anybody else. I used to hate myself to the extent of putting my self to pain and oblivion. Even near experiences of putting myself unto death’s embrace. Then I realised humility. Those ego barriers are futile and unnecessary. I used to hate myself but not anymore. Years have changed me; that’s all I need to know. I can’t live for the future; I try to live in the present as much as possible. Hence I am never interested to know what’s in store for me in the future like how my folks and other people want. So, I never asked and will never do. If I get to know what is in store for me, then I might break down and lose it.

Life was never a 9-5 job, a wife and a kid and aging parents for me. It can’t be.
All these things have been done for millions of years and still being done.

I don’t fall in all this, I say this not because I’ m superior or pretend to be strikingly different or something like that. But because there is a deeper reason why I was sent here. And I seek that very purpose.