Monday, April 30, 2007


Many a times I have felt that the safest and belonged of all places is the bath. When I was a child I remember, I used to look at the huge mirror at the wall opposite to the shower, and perform many an enthralling performances from movies, or just imitate the Holy Cross High schoolbus driver or play imaginary games with imaginary elves with pointed ears. Enid Blyton fan that I was.

As time flew by, Oscar-winning performances turned into Grammy's! I was singing aloud. Now I was doing that on a professional level under the shower. Steven Tyler, Eddie Vedder, James Hetfield, Axl Rose, Sebastian Bach, titillated an imaginary audience with their great voices and air guitars. Sometimes mom used to give a stern rap at the bathroom door and warn me that I have been inside for almost more than half an hour. There used to be water all around. On the ceiling, on the mirror, on the magazine rack...everywhere! That was because of my vigourously gyrating 'stage antics'.

With passage of time, as I went deeper into real performances at colleges and pubs, and getting deeper into extreme metal, I was into 360 deg. headbanging. Meaning, the head full of hair and all, is supposed to be swirled round and round like a man possessed by the devil himself! That proved a little risky sometimes because of disorientation. The slippery soapy tiles beneath you are treacherous. I have fallen down on my butt and other places, many a times thrown to some corner, swung around by imaginary moshing fans and even bodysurfed my way to the shower faucet in order to stop the deluge. I had numerous blacks and blues on me along with crinkled skin on my fingers by the time I stepped out of the steaming bathroom.

Definitely this is not a solitary experience. I am sure many of us still have a lot of pending performances yet, maybe your best is still to come. However, I have had my share of the shower(lime)light. I mean most of my tile breaking performances are lost in the steam of the geyser. Sometimes Still when I look at me at the mirror, the reflection in retrospect questions. The face I look at is dissatisfied, not being able to perform anymore. It is weatherbeaten and old making the best of basking in some past glory. Purpose, job, relations, self, questions, posts, faces, meanings, , , ..... all whiz my head. Million thoughts passing in the mind in one millionth of a second. Like slices of melon being squashed in the blender.

Performances gone, though I yearn for those days. Nevertheless, the shower still gives me the freedom and inertness from the outside. You become one with the crystalline elemental water. As water flows from the scruff of the neck and downwards. Gone are the efforts to feel weightlessness. Breathing is more lucid. The lump in your heart and throat is gone.

It is next to the brief stay which I had in the womb. It is my own floateria, my isolation room.

Saturday, April 28, 2007


Working on a script on these lines...beautiful song too.

Alone...listless...breakfast table in an otherwise empty room
Young of her own attention
The mother reads aloud, child, tries to understand it
Tries to make her proud

The shades go down, its in her head
Painted room...can't deny there's something wrong...

Don't call me daughter, not fit to
The picture kept will remind me
Don't call me daughter, not fit to
The picture kept will remind me
Don't call me...

She holds the hand that holds her down
She will...rise above...

The shades go down...the shades go......

Wish me good!

Pearl Jam - Vs

Tottering sidewalks, Little pink shoes and Freewill

Real, man, real.
You know?

have to be real. Your room has to be real. Your friends have to be real.You're more important than all the silly machinery. Silly machinery?!!!

And you know it! In eleven years its going to be 2018, man.
Think about that!

I Wanna see you feed a mouse to my pet snake, Now that's real! I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm interested in.

Courtsey: Russell Dumond, Still Water.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

A Sonnet

Crazy mind sojourns a pipe dream
Crazy lil mind, bewildered thoughts beam

Crazy throbs of the heart, crazier sighs
Crazy longings prevail, crazier the nights

Crazy eyes seek a crazier gaze
Crazy mind rests in perpetual haze

Crazy cosmic loner yearns for a crazier soul
Crafty let the world be, as your hand in mine we roll

Crazy let the song, crazier the tune be
Crazy intoxicated feet let sway to a crazier melody

Crazy is the darkness, crazier the silence
Quivering flame glows in a crazier madness

Crazy veil reveals your subtle oblivious gleam
Crazy mind sojourns a pipe dream

My rendition of 'Bawra Mann' by Swanand Kirkire from the Sudhir Mishra film "Hazaron Khwaishein Aisi" 2005


Thursday, April 19, 2007

Metal: A Headbanger's Journey

On the advent of Sam Dunn's second film GLOBAL METAL: 7 Countries. 3 Continents. 1 Tribe, with now distintive self-styled filming of bands and fans, this repost would definitely try to arouse the mutual feeling of anticipation and and excitment for any metal fan across the world. Aptly subheaded as ONE TRIBE!

Finally the thing that I was waiting for, to take me off recipes. This movie is a tribute to metal; right from early classick roots to the genre-wise tracking of a sound growing heavier and intense each passing decade. A master documentary cut by the most original and real metal head I have ever come across - Samuel Dunn. An anthropologist by education, Dunn makes a likable companion in our journey through the metal underground, meeting some of the biggest stars of the genre on the way.

What makes things really exciting, is the fact that Dunn had chosen India amongst the countries to feature in his sophomore effort which is due. He was here to cover a few Indian metal bands as well as his old time favourites Iron Maiden headlining at Bangalore this year.

A head banger's journey starts off by examining Metal's roots with the long debate in regards to who was the first Metal band ever. Then, we are taken through an analysis of how metal sub-genres came to exist. Dunn also gives his thoughts about Metal's culture, viewpoints, religious standpoints, the fans and every other aspect of metal. Some of the veterans of the scene as well as some insightful outsiders give their interesting opinions to support the argument at hand. The film balances the serious aspects of Metal with some unintentional humor. Personalities like Alice Cooper, Bruce Dickinson, Alex Webster, Slipknot, Ghaal, Dee Snider, Doro, Ihsahn and many others offer their own individual thoughts in an intellectual way while bands like Mayhem make a fool out of themselves during a drunken interview.

The structure of the film follows life's most provocative subjects - Censorship, Sexuality, Death & Violence, and more. Each area is thoughtfully explored with comments from many musicians and some outside observers. From the calm commentary of Rob Zombie to the wry humour of Dio.

The most amazing moment of the film is when Dee Snider of Twisted Sister walks in the courtroom to testify; clad in hair apparent, torn jeans, ripped jacket in a room full of bureaucrats and beholders of moralistic jurisdicktion headed by Tipper Gore, wife of Al Gore, circa 1984. She had run a crusade against metal during those times. And Dee in sheer deliberation pulls out his "speech" of a testimonial reads out loud for the courtroon. It was politically neat and sent sarcastic pinches for Ms. Gore while the men in suits are visually shaken with uneasy tweaks and turns all around.

There are funny moments where Alice Cooper claims to be the first one, whose music was coined as the term Heavy Metal. Then further in the course of the film he reassures that it was shock rock!

The spine chilling and appalling moment for me was when Dunn interviews Gaahl from Gorgoroth. And this behemoth of a Black Metal frontman sips his wine, pauses and with a near statue-like gaze he says "Satan", with a deep drowning voice and goes ahead to support church burnings with stark contempt towards the church.

Dunn is a true metal head. The documentary is extremely entertaining and informative. It made me proud to be a metal head. It even made me give bands I'm not too fond of another chance. Bottom line is, if you're a Metal fan you'll enjoy this from beginning to end. If you're a curious outsider, here's your chance to understand our world better and get a more defined opinion of our music. And even if you don't, well to quote Dunn at the end: "We're doing just fine without you…"

Monday, April 16, 2007


I am back with you, my love. At one with your gentle froth and foam. You come playfully touch and go; and how you tickle me? There are pebbles at your shore. I am collecting the flat ones, because they resemble some cell phone. I'll throw some back at you. I see you rise and fall, while I stare, your warmth is in your spray, saline and loving. The sea gulls did tell you this cold morning that I would be coming to see you! You do look ecstatic. I see that your mighty arms have formed rivulets with the tide and they are streaming towards inland searching for a home maybe in some backwaters. I dare not go back lest you feel everyone betrays you. I won't. You are my dope, my stash, my ecstasy and the world enquires "what are you on these days?" Little ignorant ones. Now I see you playing your tricks again, who is she? In pristine flowing white with the wind, is she an angel, a mermaid, or just merry. Ah! you play your tricks upon me again. Your sand kisses me as I roll down the slope towards you. I promise I will take the free fall off the cliff soon someday to be in your arms forever. I know you have a wonderful bed waiting for me, as I lay my tired self to rest on your bosom. You fill my heart with joy. I don't need gills. I don't need to breathe.

You seem to be in your mood swings today, guess the moon is doing things to you. Worry not as I ride your waves alongside the dolphins. So many times I have walked towards you only to be ruthlessly thrown back. This planet knows not our worth. You are rising, the Senate knows that. I trust no one, but you. I know you will take me by the arm and entwine in a divine embrace. I marvel at your ability to be self enthused. You do not require renaissance. You shimmer like a thousand gems at me so that I don't get bored. I won't, neither would you. I can sit and gaze here as the planet goes through its customary revolutions and rotations. We all move in circles around one glowering fascination that catches our eye. I love the revolutions. They bring seasons. Cold still winters and bustling summers. But what I like the most is when you have a gloomy blue gray above with a hint of lightening at the horizon to glorify your beauty. Those are the times when I feel the vastness of your macrocosm. But here I am quoting someone else...I am just collecting pebbles by your shore. I will throw some back to you.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007


If anybody has come across the beautiful great little film "Big Night" then this post will make a lot of sense. This is a recipe of painstakingly devoted gastronomic perseverance. And how well has the tenacity been portrayed by Primo's character. Infact this dish casued quite a stir in the late 90s following the culinary relish filmed passionately in "Big Night". Mind you, it is a tiring and a terrifying process to make the right Timpano. However the ultimate reward is when you hear orgasmic savoury gasps from all around, after the chef-d'oeuvre has been served.

Presenting the glorious "Timpano de Maccheroni"

10" or 12" springform baking pan, preferably teflon

two sheets puff pastry, either home made or commercial

MEATBALLS: assemble ingredients into one long meat ball or loaf, which makes it easier to slice and fit in the timpano
3/4 lb ground meat, beef, veal, or pork
1/2 cup bread crumbs
3 eggs
3 cloves chopped garlic
4 TBSP chopped parsley
1/2 cup grated Pecorino Romano cheese
salt and pepper to taste
Preparation: mix together, shape into a meatloaf, and bake at 450 for 1/2 hour; slice into 1/4 or 1/2" when cool

SAUSAGE: Use at least two kinds of sausage, such as Italian sausage with fennel, pheasant sausage, etc.; need a total of eight links
Preparation: bake until cooked through at 450 for at least 1/2 hour; slice into 1/4 or 1/2" slices when cool

CHICKEN: 2 whole breasts, cut in half
Preparation: Season with salt, pepper, olive oil, and fresh herbs such as rosemery and sage; brush with olive oil; grill on both sides until done; slice into 1/4 or 1/2" slices when cool.

VEGETABLES: 1 medium eggplant, 2 large red peppers, 1 medium zucchini, 3 medium potatoes, 2 cups canned Italian plum tomatoes

Preparation: slice eggplant 1/4", core and flatten the peppers, cut the zucchini 1/4" lengthwise: brush the vegetables with olive oil, salt and pepper to taste, and grill.
Blacken peppers and peel skin.
Boil potatoes, let cool, slice into 1/4 ", and season with oil and herbs if desired.
Crush tomatoes, add 3 TBSP olive oil, 2 cloves minced garlic, fresh parsley and basil to taste. Important: you will not use all the sauce in the timpano, use sparingly!

PASTA: 1 lb cooked pasta, a flat pasta such as farfalle or lasagne works best.
Preparation: Cook to al dente,in plenty of water with 2 TBSP salt; drain, rinse with cool water, dress with a little olive oil to prevent sticking.

CHEESE: 1/2 cup grated mozzarella, 1/2 cup grated Pecorino Romano; cheeses may be substitued with Fontina, Fontinella, parmigiana or other Italian cheeses.


All ingredients should be prepared ahead and at room temperature.
Thaw pastry crust and dust with a little flour.
Butter the inside of the springform pan.
Remove the bottom and cut the dough to fit the round; cut a second round 1/2" larger than the round for the top. Reassemble spring form pan, cover the bottom with cut dough, cut strips of remaining dough to fit side, seal side edges to bottom dough and egg wash the edges.

Arrange the ingredients in layers beginning with the pasta, leaving no spaces in each layer. Spoon a little bit of the sauce and cheese,follow with layer of meatloaf. Use your imagination when layering and vary the layers for color and texture. Make sure to include a layer of pasta half way up to help absorb the liquid and facilitate a firm internal texture. The final layer should be pasta with a little tomato sauce and cheese.

Cover with the remaining round and seal the edges inwards. Do not extend edges beyond rim of pan. Seal the top inside edges so that they do not open when the sides are removed. Cut a vent hole and decorate with leftover scraps of pastry dough.

Brush with eggwash and bake at 400 for about 45 minutes and browned. let stand for at least 30 minutes. Remove the sides, cut in generous slices, and serve the remaining tomato sauce around the timpano.

The word Timpano is actually a regional or family use of the term Timballo in Italian or Timbale in French if you wish to look for other recipes in cookbooks.

Finally this post would be incomplete without the mention of Anthony Bourdain.
He is the "industry of cool" when it comes to travelling cooks. He makes every corner of the world and its food, phenomenal...which actually is! Be it eating a throbbing cobra heart at Thailand or having ox-meat at Baluchistan, snake wine at Vietnam or seal meat in the Tundra! Ok he is not a freak, though an ex-heroin "i am outta it" gringo. However he also has sane food at sane places with suave people around. The best part of his show "No Reservations" is they actually show the host smoking a cigarette!!! He needs it definitely. Specially when the plot is thick and the pan is brimming. ;)

Inner Silence

When the silence beckons
And the day draws to a close

When the light of your life...sighs
And love dies in your eyes

Only then will I realize
What you mean to me...

Such a...Such a pristine immaculate song on death of love and a sudden arrest of faith in life's isolation by Anathema - Alternative 4 (1998)

Thus spake Demonos II...-|-...In Remembrance...-|-

I was not put here by anyone in fear, I came alone as me.
Just an idea in a long chain of discovery surrounded by the same you. Sometimes your tide pulls me out to sea and I die in a thrashing curse. So far up the beach that those who try to reach are burnt alive in the searing heat of the desert of my dispassion. So far removed, I never hear the water, but I long to. And I refuse to believe in some of the things that are said to be here. Let alone those that are not, I'm trying to change my direction and yes...Ours is pathetic in my own humble estimation.

I love the planet. The great benign she-wolf. Benefactor. Spinning gently on towards the red giant, and four aeons hence when all the rose gardens are consumed in the flash-fire of flying time.
She'll leave you alone, to you.

I thought I felt you jump out of my skin, throwing oil into my blazing memories. But when the winds blow from this direction you may sense that I'm in your reflection. You move your body and your whispers weave as the world spins. It tells me that I'll never want to leave. Gradually I think I feel you but I will never know, as the days leave and the centuries grow.

As I think of you from this dark century I will always be with 'benign' curiosity and doubt that we both may share and hope in vain that we're not just disappearing spirits. One-up-manship when it comes to intellectual competency? How futile! So the little time, that your crystal eyes gazed into mine, was what intellectual competencies cannot fathom. I behold a burning flame, forever dreaming....dreaming a lie!

I am trapped inside internal eyes and caressed by innocence is a sanctuary which I built for your mind, beneath a pale sardonic sky. One love, one sorrow and an undying affection for life. Finally I walk away from the flames. I've found a way to erase the pain - A guardian angel called escape.

I don't dwell on the forthcoming. However you will know, when I'm gone, you'll hear my cries in the wind.

Monday, April 2, 2007

^|^|^|^Soulful, Wistful, Listless ^|^|^|^

I was smitten. It was such a rollercoaster. The sea does things to me. And she was the mermaid beckoning me towards her. Her voice still rings in my ears. I have no idea when would I see her again. There is no rationale when there is love. Then the only reason for every alibi is to Be Together. It feels great when endorphins react and leave you unreasoningly fixated. And when it happens, it’s absolute, in totality. Bad hair, bad breathe, bad acts, bad food and booze, do not matter anymore. The only desire left is to BE there.

I presume that many of us have been ‘under the influence’ of endorphin and when we are no more ‘wise enough to be wise’. All that matters, is to render every possible way of bliss for the One. You surprise yourself again and again by reaching a point where there is a dearth of conditionality. You relish every moment walking hand in hand, past an unfamiliar city which succumbs to be just a backdrop. You fly from tree to tree, branch to branch, one city jaunt to the other and wish there was no tomorrow! You feel the presence of your beautiful souls floating in the ether of a shared cosiness.

When tomorrow engulfs you in its void, you either plunge in a sense of extreme loss or rise in the redemption of true love.

The more I see the less I know..
The more I like to let it go…

The present is a dream to me. These moments are precious to me more than a thousand years put together. They will leave me nurtured and cared, belonged and intoxicated. Somebody please don’t wake me ‘coz I am sleeping the sleep of angels.

Sunday, April 1, 2007

..........Space, Abundance, Isolation...

Is all I need... In remembrance of my 27th year of existance ...Here's Jimi Hendrix's infamous rendition on loneliness

Burning of the Midnight Lamp
The morning is dead
And the day is too
There's nothing left here to greet me
But the velvet moon
All my loneliness
I have felt today
It's a little more than enough
To make a man throw himself away
And I continue
To burn the midnight lamp

Now the smiling portrait of you
Is still hangin' on my frowning wall
It really doesn't really doesn't bother me too much at all
It's just the, uh, ever falling dust
That makes it so hard for me to see
That forgotten ear-ring laying on the floor
Facing coldly toward the door
And I continue
To burn the midnight lamp
All alone

Lonely lonely, yeah
Lonely lonely lonely
Loneliness is such a, drag

So here I sit to face
That same old fire place
Gettin' ready for the same old explosion
Goin' through my mind
And soon enough time will tell
About the circus and the wishing well
And someone who will buy and sell for me
Someone who will toll my bell
And i continue to burn the midnight lamp

Darlin' do you hear me callin' you
So lonely